Having Nick Home...

makes everything better. I have felt so much better since Friday night. We have been busy spending time together since he has been working second shift.

We of course have talked about the baby, but he's not letting me think negatively. He of course can't take the fear from me, but I have finally decided to keep my neutral ground. I'm thinking positively, but knowing anything could happen. It's much easier for me to type this than to do it, but I'm trying.

Positives:

I got a faint + on a pregnancy test at 11DPO, four days before a missed period.

I got a great + at 13DPO. The last pregnancy, my test was - at 15DPO and it took a blood test at 19DPO to find out I was pregnant.

I have no spotting and my temperatures are nice and high. I began spotting the day after I got my + last pregnancy.

My beta was 43 at 14DPO and it was 31 at 19DPO during the last pregnancy.

Negatives:

They told me that 43 was still low. They said it could be because it's so early, but they are a bit concerned. They said to be cautiously optimistic. This was the same thing that was said to be before we lost our baby last time.

Even though many people have told me this doesn't matter, my pregnancy tests aren't getting darker. I could quit taking them but I'm choosing to continue. It may not matter if they're getting darker or not, but I would feel better if I saw them getting darker.

I don't feel pregnant! I am exhausted and that's about it. Maybe this is normal- it is very early after all. I just want to feel it.


I have decided that I have way more on the positive side than the negative side. The negative side may not even be accurate.

I guess I'm officially giving it to God. Letting go. I understand that there's nothing I can do to stop what may be the inevitable. All I can do is pray and again, trust what happens. It took me a few days but I am going to be ready for whatever comes, or at least try to be.

Thank you for the prayers and support. I'm sorry for the last post. I let one person cause me to become angry and in turn many people thought they had offended me by what I wrote. That's not the case. We appreciate the prayers! Here's hoping!