The appointment went well. She said that my pulse no longer reads pregnant so the miscarriage is pretty much over. My lab on the 15th will confirm this I'm sure. (Chinese vs. Western medicine theories...)
She also said that my pulse was still very strong, like it was right before we got pregnant. She said my body is ready still and maybe next time my body will be even stronger. Maybe the next baby will be stronger. She said she doesn't think it will be long before we're blessed again.
On another positive note. We got the house! We're very excited! I was laying in bed last night thinking about this house and how this could play in "our plan" for our life. I also talked to one of my dear former teachers, now friend about my thoughts.
Nick and I have been soooooooo nervous to buy a home. I think a lot of it has to do with our childhood, mainly mine. I grew up in a family that struggled- living in a two bedroom house with seven people at one point. I had all of the things I needed (and most of the time all of my wants), but boy do I remember the struggle and fighting. That's life, but I certainly don't want to give my children adult problems and adult stress. I was too stressed over the adult problems at a young age.
I love my family with all my heart and they do try, but I don't really have great financial role models. I am so scared of failing when it comes to "living the American dream." I don't have to have nice things. I know life is about struggle. In fact, if it weren't for that struggle, I wouldn't have such an easy going personality. I wouldn't be so easily pleased! :0) I wouldn't appreciate my parents and how hard they worked to make it all work out.
Anyway, back to my point...
Nick and I have worked so hard to try and ensure we don't have any additional struggle than the ordinary. I refuse to let money worry me the way it did my family.
We have been so scared to buy a home because right now, we're pretty content. We'd love a home, but we were so scared it would rock the boat. We're usually very happy that the bills are paid, there's food in the fridge, and we can stash even $25 in savings. We're simple, but boy do we want our own home. We've lived so cautiously that we have scared ourselves from home ownership. We have been looking at homes for over a year but wouldn't commit. How does this correspond with our fertility journey?
We always said that a baby didn't have to have a nice home. We said our duplex would be just fine for now. A baby needed love, support, care, play, healthy foods, experiences, etc. We can give all of that to our baby. Why rush into a home at this point? We have been cautious to save our money in case we need to do IVF. We said we'd buy a home before our baby started school of course!
When we found out we were pregnant, we were still ok with the duplex. After losing our baby, we started reflecting on things, especially after seeing a house we didn't plan on seeing and felt like it was the one.
Maybe..."our plan" is a bigger than what we could have dreamed of. Maybe this baby gave us the courage to commit to buying a home. After our offer was accepted, Nick and I looked at each other and thought, Well...at least we have a home for several children. We don't have to worry about how we'll afford a home. When a baby comes, we're already here and we HAVE to make it work rather than, we'll get around to buying a house.
It makes me sad, but maybe our baby was stronger than we thought. Maybe this baby motivated us to start the foundation for us. Maybe God wanted us to get the courage to take the leap of faith and prepare our home for the beautiful family that we'll soon be blessed with. Maybe this was all part of the plan. I am very calm about the home. I'm more excited than anything. I feel like this is a sign telling us, "soon."
I could be full of bologna. :0) Maybe you think it is? All I know is that this is what keeps the faith going. This is what keeps me believing that God is there and He's looking out for us. I think He wants to give us the life we feel we deserve and this is His way of giving us a little shove in the right direction.
We have a three bedroom home with a big back yard and an extra bonus room. I hope to soon fill that yard with a swing set for our children. I hope to be picking toys up in our hallway and tossing them into the toy box in that bonus room. I hope to be kissing our children goodnight with their daddy each and every night in their very own bedroom.
I think I'm back. :0)
I stole the pics below from a fellow FF buddy!
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