Connections

I watched "What to Expect When You're Expecting" last night....and cried.

It was a great movie but it definitely gave a snapshot of what women go through with this trying to start a family business. Some have problems, some can't, some lose their baby, some adopt, and some don't give up.

It helped me get a good cry out. It even hit home for Nick. We laughed a lot and of course turned sad during scenes that we could completely relate to. Nick just grabbed my hand during a part that really had me emotional and said, "It happened. I started to worry that it may not happen for us. And it did. And it will happen again. We'll have our baby."

After a good cry, I felt strong again. Sometimes I think a good cry is good for the soul. It's almost like you have washed away all of the sadness, anger, guilt, and more. You have a clean slate with your emotions. I look at it as using that opportunity to then get up and move from it, sprinting away from all of those emotions.

I'm ready to turn the page I think. I know I'll slip but I have to try my best not to fall into the anger and jealousy pit anymore. It's such an ugly place.

Nick and I have been house hunting for a bit over a year now. We have looked at dozens of homes or more. We found one yesterday and put an offer in on it. It's three bedrooms, two bath, a bonus room, a large back yard, and more. It needs some updating but with time and patience it will be exactly the way we want it.  I think this is good for us. We have been wanting to get away from blowing money on rent and build equity. I'd also like to take pride in what we work hard for. We said that a baby is fine in our duplex, and he/she would be fine, but we realized that it may get harder to buy a home once a baby comes and outgrows this place. I think we're doing the right thing. This will keep us busy, it's another life goal, and it helps for the future.

I do believe a baby will come. We'll be even more prepared by then. Please cross your fingers that our offer was accepted and that all works out. We're pretty nervous but excited!

As far as the trying to conceive status...

I go to the lab to get my levels checked on the 15th. We're hoping that everything has gone to non pregnant so that we can start trying again. I have a lot of faith that it will. I think I'm at the end of this nightmare. The symptoms of it all are subsiding and going back to normal. I still have some pain but tolerable. All that's really left is the hole in my heart because our baby is now an angel.

We eager to start trying again and praying for another miracle but to stay this time.