Tonight is one of those "bad nights." I'm angry. I'm so mad. I need to stay off of Facebook. It turns me into someone I'm not. I hate all the feelings I have in me tonight.
I am just plain jealous. What an ugly trait to have. I logged on to FB after a great day and it was almost like I was meant to see every pregnancy announcement, sonogram picture, positive pregnancy test, baby picture, etc.
Why am I so hateful? Why would I want to be angry about other people's happiness?
I know I'm not. I know I am genuinely happy for people. There's no reason not to be! It's a celebration!
I am just having a hard time tonight. Why don't I get to hold my belly and pose for a picture? Why have I spent my entire week in a bathroom? Why do I feel stupid for buying that baby lotion? It's just not fair.
I want my baby and I want him now.
I have no control of this, and that's what's hard.
I have to try again tonight and talk to God. I have to have reassurance again that it will work out. I cannot question this.
Why does this hurt so bad?
A Journey of HOPE and FAITH in one day sharing our love with our child...
And what a beautiful journey it is...
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