Head Spinning...

I have had over five students out with the flu and two out with strep. This makes me a mess! I have read how dangerous it is for pregnant women to get the flu. I unfortunately didn't have the flu shot yet. I called my RE on Sunday and left a voicemail asking if it were ok to get one. They called me on Monday and said it was safe and to do it. I scheduled an appointment at Walgreens because I thought it would be cheaper than to call and make a doctor's appointment. I won't do it again because they had me too freaked out.

I got to Walgreens Monday night to get the shot. I made sure to tell them that I was pregnant. The pharmacist at the counter said he doesn't recommend it until the second or third trimester. He's not a doctor but he does do this for a living so I quickly told him I didn't think I should do it then. I then sat on a bench in the store, called a friend for advice, called my mom, etc. Dr. Figge's staff told me to do it and they know how far along I am. I then did what I do best lately...cry and worry.

If I don't get it, I could get the flu and it could really hurt me and/or the baby. If I do get it, will my child grow? Will it cause a miscarriage? I decided to do a search and I could barely find research that suggests it's bad. I found tons on the benefits of the flu shot at any time during pregnancy.

The pharmacist then came out and sat next to me on the bench with a print out. He apologized and read his information to me. According to their instructions, ANY woman pregnant during flu season, no matter how far along she is, should have the flu shot. No significant data is out there indicating that it is bad.

I then decided to do it and felt better about the decision.

So what happens?

I get the chills ALL day yesterday, especially last night. I began to freak out again. I thought I was getting flu (knowing the shot doesn't work for another two weeks). I literally prayed to God all night last night to heal my body, protect our baby, and just keep this pregnancy on track. I went to bed at 8:45 and woke up feeling like a new woman! God is good! I also looked at the flu shot paper the pharmacist gave me. Side effects including chills, aches, pain, etc.....so basically feeling like I had the flu. I'm hoping that was all that it was.

Oy...this baby is the size of an apple seed and already giving me stress lines and gray hair! :0)

One week from tomorrow and we get to meet our little peanut! Praying hard and thanking God each and every day for our growing family.

On another good note, I'm about done temping. I realized the reason that I'm still temping is because I'm scared. I am about 4-5 days shy of where I was when I lost our September baby. It's a very gut wrenching time right now. I did overlay this pregnancy chart to Septembers. Today marks the day (in the last pregnancy) that my temp dropped and I was within days of losing him. Today...my temp went up. I almost cried.

I feel like many do not understand me right now. Numerous friends and family have told me to relax and be happy that I'm pregnant. Be thankful....

I know it's only to help me and I don't take offense to it really. I just hope they understand how beyond happy and thankful I am. I have fear like any pregnant mother. Take that fear and magnify it because you lost a baby two months ago. My heart was ripped from me and it was a very dark place for Nick and me. I am scared that I could face that darkness again. It doesn't mean I'm setting myself up for a loss. It doesn't me that's what I'm anticipating. It just means I am plain scared.

What some don't see is that I rub my belly every morning and tell my baby to keep growing and stay strong for his/her/their mommy and daddy.

What some don't see is that I pray every chance I get to God. I thank him while I am peeing in the morning for goodness sake. I thank Him while I'm walking my students to their specials. I thank Him while I'm grading papers at school.

Nick and I do talk about our future with this baby. We are optimistic.

I'm vulnerable. I already love this peanut so much. Our heart is out in the open again and it's a bit scary. 

I do have a few friends that have gone through this, and even haven't, but understand my fear. "C" is always giving me the right dose of, "Yes, I understand and you're right, it could happen, but...." She can knock some sense into me. I have some FF buddies that help too!

That is why I embrace pregnancy symptoms. It tells me every day to keep going and to keep having faith. Hope and faith is what this journey has been built on. Love has kept us going and strong.

One week from tomorrow.....I am anxiously waiting to meet you!

My beautiful chart....

The pink is this pregnancy and the green was the last. I'm almost past that time. :0) GROW BABY, GROW!