THANK YOU Seems So Small to What I REALLY Want to Say...

Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! We have held on to each other, our relationship with God, and the prayers/well wishes that all of you began giving us seventeen months ago, through today, and the rest of our life.

I got a call to my work at 2:45PM. As soon as I was paged, I ran to the phone.

"This is Lyndsey!" I shouted, yes shouted into the phone!

"Lyndsey! This is ________, from Dr. Figge's office!"

I immediately began to bawl. Her voice was so happy, so, so happy!

"Well, yes...please start giving tears of joy. You have a reason to! I'll let you get some out before I tell you!"

I got myself together and told her I was ready.

"Well, we needed your beta number to be at least 124 for us not to worry. Are you ready for your number?"

"YES!"

"You're 204 hunny, you're totally pregnant and the baby is growing!"

I then cried to her saying thank you over and over.

"I didn't do anything!" she said.

"You got us pregnant! You were the one that did the IUI and God blessed us!"


"Well thank you, and yes...science can only do so much!"

After many minutes of tears, she gave me the run down. She told me to take it easy and that I'll be 7 weeks on December 21st. They want to do the ultrasound on Thursday, December 20th at 9AM! WE GET TO SEE OUR BABY!

She then told me that we'd hopefully hear a heartbeat and see our growing bean!

She said we wouldn't see a whole lot. The baby probably wouldn't be showing his/her limb buds yet, but we could try and look for them! :0) I don't even care. As long as the baby is healthy and I hear a heartbeat, I'm just fine with that!

 All I can do is be in shock. It's early, yes..but this is the farthest we have gotten. And for that, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the positive pregnancy tests I have taken, both in the first pregnancy that I tragically lost, and for this one. I'm thankful for the backache, cramps, and minor symptoms I'm showing. It keeps this real.

 I'm thankful for the big picture- we got pregnant. And now I pray for the outcome we want so badly.

I'm thankful that we were blessed with careers with great insurance so that I have this opportunity. 

I'm thankful for the most beautiful man, inside and out that I could have ever dreamed of- my husband. I could write pages on this man. AH I LOVE YOU!

I'm thankful for my Fertility Friend buddies. Every analyzed chart, every symptom analysis of pregnancy, every time I asked the same question over and over, every time I was in a bad mood, any time I was jealous of someone else's BFP, ever tear dried, every "It's going to happen" and "don't give up", my FF girls have been there. I have watched many of them go on to get their BFP and some that are so close I can feel it. I will never lose touch, I will always pray, and I will always remember where we came from. It's a long, devastating journey. I have always said, it doesn't matter how long you've been trying, how far up the fertility journey you have gone, how much you think you deserve it, etc....it sucks. When you're ready to start a family and it doesn't happen, it just plain sucks! 

And I'm still not in the clear. I have a long eight months ahead of me, but I can see it! I can see the future now. I can see our baby. I'm taking it a day at a time, but I can believe. I have given this to God and He is so good. I see a future with our baby boy or girl, actually.....there could be two! She said it's quite possible still! 

I am thankful for this blog. It has been my outlet to get the frustration, celebrations, joys, concerns, connections, etc., out. 

I'm thank for for my followers. Your prayers mean the world! Your hope has meant the world. I call you my cheerleaders! I look forward to your pick-me-up's!

I am thankful for our families. It hasn't been easy because I know how badly our parents want to be grandparents. I know how bad they hurt for us, for me. They have encouraged me and helped pick me up when I was down. I have four amazing sisters and grandparents that have been rooting for us!

I'm thankful for the medical team that has been taking care of me. Dr. Figge's staff encourages me every time I see them. They never make me feel bad about my fears. They listen and explain when I ask.  

I'm thankful for Dr. Lang, who allowed me to come in at ten months of us trying to conceive. He listened to my fears and the intuition that I had- I KNEW getting pregnant would be hard for us. He ran the initial tests and got things started so that I could immediately get to Dr. Figge at one year of trying. 

I'm thankful for Dr. Hong, my acupuncturist. The little wonderful woman that gave me the hope to go through fertility treatments. She was the one that wouldn't let me spend more than a day or two in self pity. She taught me to believe in myself more and to trust in the Lord. 

I'm thankful for my friend "C" up here. She and I connected when we both started trying for our babies. She has been there from when we talked of starting a family, through avid testing and obsessive talk, through my miscarriage, and now. She also buys me pregnancy tests because she knows my husband will kill me! I love her more than she probably knows.  

My friend "L" back at home is just like "C." I'd be lost without you! She has been there every step of the way, whether giving me support, praying, keeping tabs on my appointments, lab after lab, etc. She always had the right things to say, and if she didn't....she listened. 

I have a group of teacher friends that are and will always have a place in my heart. I love you so, so much! Thank you for your prayers, cares, concerns, and picking me up! 

I am just thankful for this moment. Again, I know it's so early, but I am thankful in this moment right here, right now. 

I am especially thankful for God. I have had periods in my life where I have questioned Him. This journey has brought us so close to him. We never know his plan, and I'm not sure I ever will, but I'm thankful for every experience he has given me. I know I was a woman who had never experience a positive pregnancy test. God gave me that chance. I sometimes think he did this to tell me, "soon." I'm hopeful that this is "soon." I'm thankful that he's taking care of our first angel up there. 

I am thankful for that angel. He taught me right away how deep your love is and how soon it begins for your child. You baby, have made me so much stronger and I will meet you one day!

I am going to continue to pray each and every day for the health of our little one. Please let this be our take home baby! I'll still have the fear of losing this baby, but I have to keep going and the fear has lightened a little. 

Taking it a day at a time, and today...I am a mommy! :0) 
 

This won't be the last time that I'm stuck by a needle, but hopefully the last time I have to do a beta for this baby! GROW BABY , GROW!