Doppler Purchase Next Week

I'm giving in and so is hubby. We're buying a fetal doppler next week. For the longest time I fought the urge. Why you ask? In case you haven't noticed I worry....a lot. Not that I don't have an excuse, it has been a rough journey, but I do worry a lot. We literally listed pros and cons to this. If I couldn't find the heartbeat I would panic and probably call my OB begging to get me in. If I could find the heartbeat, I could sleep at night knowing the baby was still doing well in there.

I always chose not to do it because I don't want added stress. I know myself and I would worry.

Now that I'm close to being halfway through the pregnancy, I am a bit more relaxed. I'm aware that a doppler won't stop something terrible from happening if it's meant to happen. I can't really say that a doppler would save our baby, but I can say it can give me peace on the nights that I worry more than the norm.

I stay off of Google. I finally learned to stay off of that at about thirteen weeks. I have been very good about it since. I was on my Fertility Friend site tonight when I saw the sad announcement that two people in my August 2013 due date group lost their babies. One went into labor at 15 1/2 weeks and the other went to her OB appointment at 18 weeks and they couldn't find the heartbeat. It showed that the baby had passed about three weeks prior.

My heart broke. Not only did it obviously scare me, but my heart just broke for these poor women. I don't understand it, nor will I ever. I know God doesn't do things to be cruel, but how do you not question Him when things like that happen?

I told myself that I would not turn this into a sad post, scaring everyone that I was slipping and thinking negatively. I can reassure you that I'm not. I'm still happy, still optimistic, and still hopeful that all is going to be ok. Sure it scared me a little bit but I have to keep reminding myself that I too have had my heartache and this is now my time to enjoy. This is a different baby, different pregnancy, different situation. I'm happy, healthy, and so is our baby. I'm celebrating.

And that's what I'm doing. I'm buying a doppler next week because I want to reward myself by hearing my baby's heartbeat. I want it to have a constant reminder that all I need is some patience and our little one will soon be in our arms. And I want it for the nights like tonight, where a little reassurance is needed. I think I'm at the point in this pregnancy that I won't panic if I can't find the beat right away. I will simply try again and if I can't find it in a day or two then maybe I'd call. I know that it takes time to learn how to do this so I have to understand that. My OB told me that she supports the decision and said that it may bring me some comfort, but to accept that I may not be good at locating baby's heart right away. She told me to wait till closer to twenty weeks, where it's a bit more consistent but I think I'll be alright. I'll be ordering it at 17 1/2 weeks.

I'm choosing this over our early gender scan. It was a hard decision (Nick gave me options ha) but I feel like we have waited so long for our miracle to come that I want to wait until the "suggested time" for an ultrasound. I feel like the anticipation will be worth it. We'll know in less than three weeks. I can handle that. Something about waiting until that 18-20 week period makes me feel like we're slowing down and trying to enjoy and savor this moment. Trust me, it's tempting to go to an early gender scan. I almost had myself talked into it twice! I think this is the right decision for us.

I have an OB appointment on Monday. Needless to say, I'm anxious to hear Joss or Gavin's heartbeat again. It's such a beautiful sound.

Here is the fetal doppler that I'm considering...any suggestions or comments?
http://www.fetaldoppler.net/sonoline-b-pink.html?utm_source=googlepepla&utm_medium=adwords&id=21692666828&utm_content=pla