Baby #2?

A few people have noticed my avid pinning on Pinterest lately, many of the posts pertaining to baby #2. I'm not pregnant, nor trying...yet. I'll start by saying that first.

I have shared this many times...I asked God to answer our prayers, heal my body and make me a mother, and Nick a father. I asked for him to tell us if adoption was our answer.

Gavin was our answered prayer. I thank God every day for him. If Gavin is my only child, I am happy with this. Gavin made me Mommy. And what an awesome honor this is!

Do I want more children? Absolutely! So, when will we try again? Well...

I had a check up with my regular OB (not my RE) in April. She asked if we were thinking about baby #2, because I now had the ok.

Nick and I both smiled. We love being parents and of course we'd like more, but I'll be honest with my thoughts.

"When do we know it's time for #2?"
"I love Gavin so, so much...what if I don't love or connect with a second baby?"
"What if I take attention away from Gavin?"
"Will it be hard for us to conceive again?"
"Will I have to go through fertility treatments again?"
"I'm scared I'll go through another miscarriage first again."
"I'm 3lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight. I want to get there first and then lose some more weight."
"Can we afford daycare for two?"

Nick and I have been discussing and we KNOW we want our children closer in age. Nick and his sister are five years apart and really didn't become close until they were older. We told our OB we'd visit the idea of trying for baby number two after Gavin's first birthday, which is only three months away.

She then shared the game plan. She told us that with my PCOS, if we are going to start trying, it needs to be immediately after stopping the pill. She said I would be most fertile in the first three months of being off the pill. My hormones wold maybe be balanced then and my body would work. She said that after three months, my chances would go down. The good news is, she would refer us to our fertility doctor after 3-6 months of trying. We'd then go down that fertility treatment process again.

I have to ask myself if I'm ready to go through drugs that make me moody, meds that make restroom breaks dramatically increase, acupuncture appointments, injections, ultrasound monitoring for follicle growth, routine blood work and more. I can do it. I know I can, but I'm going to have faith that maybe it won't be so hard the second time around.

She also talked to us about VBAC, or vaginal birth after cesarean.  If you don't remember, I had an emergency c-section with Gavin. (If you want to know my birth story, there's a post on it.) It was very scary for Nick, as well as me. Part of us want the c section because we know what to expect (kinda...I was asleep for Gavin and for #2 I'd be awake), but I'd also like to experience delivering. She told me that if we planned on having more than three children, she wouldn't recommend a planned c section. Apparently multiple cuts into the scar tissue pose a risk, but so does a vaginal delivery after a cesarean.

So as you can see, lots of thoughts are going through my mind. I'd have a dozen babies if I could. Being a mother and wife are my two biggest blessings.  I also know that at some point in life, our children will grow up and leave us for their adult life. Nick and I will want time to do things together while we can. We both agreed that we'd like 2-3 children, but Gavin really is our world...can we really share with another baby? Is that a normal fear? When will I know the time is right to try again?

We also feel pressure to try soon because it took almost two years for Gavin.We would take the time it takes to conceive and then nine months to cook Gavin's brother or sister. We don't want to rush but also don't want to risk precious time.

If there's one thing I've learned in parenthood, it's that some things are beyond my control. Some things don't have a schedule or itinerary. Sometimes you just go with the flow. And I guess that's our plan. August will role around and we may talk about baby-making. We may not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Any advice is welcome! Thanks for listening! And if you're one of my fertility buddies waiting on your miracle, please check in with me. Let us pray for you! And always, always, always remember..."When the world says give up, HOPE whispers one. more. time."