Dramatic? Not really....just, heartbroken.

I had to call the lab myself yesterday. They told me the doctor's office had my lab results and to call them. I called them and they closed at noon.

I ended up calling the lab back and asked them to just share the results with me. They started telling me and then stopped halfway saying it would be better for the doctor to analyze them.

Long story short, I ended up going to the hospital yesterday to pick up a copy of my labs.

From what they said and what I gathered, my testosterone is really high and my estradiol is low.

I was first embarrassed that I have more male hormones than female hormones.

Most importantly, I didn't take anyone's advice when it came to staying off the internet. As soon as I typed in high testosterone in women, thousands of resources for Ploycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) came up. Click the link below to just get an overview.

http://women.webmd.com/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview

I'm no doctor, but it all makes sense. I have always had regular periods, but the last three have been odd. I spot a week before my period is due and it doesn't stop until I have a period. This cycle has been the worst....I didn't ovulate. So my body didn't even release an egg. This has never happened. I'm now going on five days late but I know it's not because I'm pregnant. :0( The low estrodiol scares me too. It mentioned that if it's left untreated, it puts you at a greater risk for all these cancers.

I hate to jump ahead of myself but I'm pretty much bracing for this to be the diagnoses on Monday. I am scheduled for an ultrasound so I'm sure that, in conjunction with a discussion of my lab results will be some unfortunate news. I know it's not the end of the world. Women get pregnant with PCOS.

I will get pregnant. It may be even harder for us than anyone else, but we will. I've lost about 13lbs since I started weight watchers. PCOS isn't caused from being overweight, rather it causes you to gain weight. I also read it's even harder to lose weight with PCOS. Like losing weight isn't hard enough? I'm not going to allow that to happen. I've been doing well with my dieting lately. I just have to step up my game with exercising and just giving it my all. I need to do whatever it takes to get myself healthy so that we have have a healthy baby. 

I know everyone has tried to be supportive, and they are. This all just happened yesterday and the real news is two days away. I'm trying to be optimistic, but at the same time, I need to be realistic.

I know life isn't fair. I just don't get it. I know I'm not being punished, but I certainly feel like it.

When Nick and I do have our son or daughter in our arms I plan to just look at our precious baby and tell him/her just how much mommy and daddy wanted her. I will never forget what a blessing he/she is.
My heart is breaking that things aren't going to be easy for us. We're just going to have to work extra hard.

Please say a prayer for an easy fix after a possible diagnosis on Monday.