Bittersweet Day

Today marks the day in my cycle during my last pregnancy that we lost our baby (31 days past ovulation). We knew we were losing the baby the day after we found out we were pregnant, but I and the baby held on as long as we could.

I was nervous waking up today. I have that fear every time I use the restroom. I cried when things were ok this morning and thanked God.

Thursday, December 20th is our first ultrasound. I need this. I'm still a bit on edge. I just don't know what to expect. I'm reading baby books, going online, etc...but I still don't have CONSISTENT symptoms that the books tell you that you may have. It scares me. Nick painted our bedroom last night and said, "Well here soon I'm sure I'll be putting pink stripes in there (meaning our baby's room)." I smiled at him and then started to feel such fear. I don't want to be heartbroken or disappoint. Please pray with us this week. It's going to take a lot of patience this week. Please pray that we see our peanut with a strong flickering heart.

My temp plummeted today but I think it's because I temped with only two hours of sleep AND I slept in our bonus room next to the cold window because I didn't want to sleep in a freshly painted room. I got a bit concerned but decided I didn't need one more thing to worry about. Yes, I'm still temping. I plan on temping until Thursday.

It's going to be a long four days. I'm keeping the faith the best I can. Grow baby grow!