The Future...

I waited for a while to decide if I wanted to share this information because many people have asked if we'd "try again." It's of course personal, but I have blogged our entire infertility battle for over two years. I figured, why not? Some of our biggest supporters are the ones who have followed us on here.

As I have said before...I dreamed of becoming a mother. I prayed to become a mother. I asked God over and over to make me a mother, and Nick a father. God granted our desires and gave us Gavin. Gavin made me a mommy of a beautiful child to love and raise. At this point in our life, we're beyond happy. We're so wrapped up in the world of Gavin and thankful for his existence in our life, that I don't worry about the future. As long as we're all here, healthy, and happy...I really couldn't ask for more.

Do I want more children? I certainly think so. If you would have asked me during Gavin's first three weeks home, I would have said I don't know. In fact, I did! That is what inexperience and fear of the unknown does. It makes you doubt whether you're capable of doing something. As the weeks have gone by and Nick and I are mastering some parenting skills, gaining confidence, making mistakes, and loving every minute of it (even the not-so-pretty parts), I see myself smiling at the thought of a "house full of kids." If it's meant to happen, it will. I think I would one day love to have more children, but right now it's all about loving this beautiful, big blue-eyed boy who adds even more love and happiness to our lives. There is no rush. Absolutely no rush at all. And if for some reason we're unable to have anymore children, I can accept that. I'm sure it will be another type of heartbreak in there, but guess what? I have my gift from God. And I treasure him every moment of our life together and I have so much gratitude that God chose us to be Gavin's mommy and daddy. 

I will say after having a baby, you tend to go with the flow more. Often you have no choice but to do only that. I called our RE to discuss what the future may hold because part of me doesn't want to go back to "planning." A part of me wants to tuck the family planning aside and just see what happens. I think in order to do that, I needed to just hear what things may look like for us.

They first congratulated us on our little miracle. They then told us that they tell couples who battled infertility to obviously try on their own first, but if we at some point become frustrated, to see them and they'd get the ball rolling again. This made me take a deep breathe and simply say, "Ok." I'm in no hurry to get back on that ladder, or to even think about more children, but at least we know what our options are. They told us that most couples will try at least six months on their own. If nothing happens, they usually go straight to receiving help to avoid another six months of nothing possibly happening.

And that is where we're at on the topic of more children and what we'll do. As of right now, my mind is really not on that. In fact, I'm back on "the pill" for many reasons. Our OB and RE agreed that I should get back on the pill to help keep my hormones regulated. Once we decide we're ready to try, they encouraged us to try within the first three months of being off the pill because my hormones should still be in decent shape. The longer I'm off the pill, the more likely the PCOS symptoms will occur and make it harder to conceive again. I'm also using this time to be a healthier, new me. I am currently 9lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight. Once I reach that goal, I have another sixty pounds that I'd like to lose. As you can see, we have our reasons for waiting a bit. Maybe we'll revisit the idea of more children after Gavin's first birthday. But for now..it's all about loving him.

 I love our little guy and he deserves all the attention, time, and love in the world because he has given us so so much.